Personal Reflections

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Why I Stopped Writing

Midway through my 3 month long round-the-world honeymoon, I decided that I was done with travel writing.

As most travellers know, you don’t get a lot of sympathy when you describe how exhausting travel can be. “Oh! Poor baby! Did your lobster and filet mignon give you indigestion?” Put it in perspective, they say. No matter how tired you are, at least you get the chance to go travelling. There are orphan children starving in Krablakistan, etc.

The problem with this argument is that, taken to its logical conclusion, it means that no one – except a starving orphan child or possibly someone trying to assemble Ikea furniture – is ever justified in complaining. That’s silly. Everyone has a right to complain about something.

So I’m going to say it: travelling round-the-world in three months is exhausting. You are changing hotels every two to three days, and often wake up in the middle of the night with no idea of where you are. You try to put yourself back to sleep by playing a bizarre game of 20 questions. “Am I in Asia? Are those characters in Chinese or Japanese? Why is the toilet singing to me?”

The other problem with travel writing is that, even while enjoying a ‘once in the lifetime trip’, you still feel as though you should be carefully remembering every moment of your experience so that you can blog about it later rather than just, you know, enjoying it. This is fine at first, until you find that you have gotten so far behind in your writing that you now have 6 countries worth of extra-special-moments trying to find their way out of your head and you still have no idea where you are going to sleep tomorrow night. Then it is a bit stressful in the same way that Japanese bullet trains move a bit briskly.

So, one evening in New Zealand, I decided to stop travel writing and just enjoy the rest of the trip. I stuffed myself with meat pies and thought that was the end of it.

Why I’m Starting Again

Someone tried to buy this website last week. They ran their algorithms and social media statistics on it, and decided that it was worth $300. That’s probably a fair price, considering that this site has been drifting like a ghost ship for almost an entire year. But I knew immediately that I didn’t want to sell it – I want to keep writing.

For almost a year, I have been trying to decide on a new writing project. I even started a rather sad personal finance blog. It wasn’t enjoyable to write, nor did it receive any hits. At all. Meanwhile, HTBD continued to get hits from people people eager to play Airport Bingo and learn how not to get stabbed Tamarindo. The memories of the trip are still there, fighting to get out, and a writer needs to write.

And travellers like to read. After all, how else will you learn how to cook a New Zealand meat pie when all you have is a stove element? Or why you might be offered more than you bargained for at a ‘Japanese barbershop’ in Vietnam? Or why it’s a bad idea to watch ‘Yes Man’ when there’s a paragliding centre nearby?

So, for those of you who are reading this – thanks for sticking with me, and I look forward to bringing you the funny once more.

Beloved and I leave for our long-awaited Round-the-World trip in less than a month. 26 days, to be exact. The trip will last for 90 days, and will take us from Prague to Croatia to Egypt to Vietnam to China to Japan to New Zealand and back to Canada. We’ve been planning this for more than 5 years, and the timing just happened to work out for our honeymoon.

You will notice in the photo that we have lots of spiffy guidebooks to help us make the most of our journey. You may also notice that these books have apparently never been opened. Having planned this trip for the past five years, you might think that we would be ready for it now. We are not.

For the past year we’ve also been planning our destination wedding in Prague for 30 of our closest friends and family. I have just one word of advice for those considering a destination wedding: Elope.

“How much work could it possibly be to organize a church service and a dinner?” I had asked with hopeless naivete. One month before the wedding, and I have more than 470 e-mails in my Wedding folder. At last count, Beloved had more than 170 items on her To Do list.

At a time when we should be picking out new hiking shoes and ruthlessly vetting which items should be packed based on style, weight and ability to look good while wrinkled, we are instead trying to figure out which colour of flowers will be on the wedding cake and how to prevent various family members from murdering one another, Agatha Christie style.

To be fair, the latter isn’t really a concern. Even if someone does get murdered, there’s nothing to liven up a boring brunch like a real-life game of Clue. (“It was Uncle Harry in the receiving line with a bottle of table wine!”)

All of this must sound hopelessly selfish. After all, who wouldn’t want to have a destination wedding in Prague and then jet around the world for three months? But there is something worse than not going on a Round the World Trip, and that’s being hopelessly unprepared for a trip that you’ve been saving for and dreaming about for five years.

In my more rational moments, I realize that Beloved and I are both resourceful, experienced travelers, and that we can make up for our lack of preparation with ingenuity and a positive attitude.

But I will feel much better when I stop having nightmares in which I am fleeing from Croatian border security guards wielding cake topper truncheons, but can’t escape because my tuxedo pants have fallen around my ankles.

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